Hello Lovebugs,
How are you?
Yesterdays blog was written after a friend kind of floored me with their ideas on people who can or cannot change.
And I was secretly happy to tell them that the person I was describing ....
Female. Homosexual at this time. Has a child.
So that fried my friends ideas as she didn't fit any of their standard profiles, LOL.
Humans cannot be pigeonholed. We are not that easy.
Today's question - Do you face grief head on and work thru it? Do you put it aside until you feel stronger and more able to cope? What do you do with heartache, heartbreak, grief?
I am still very childish. If it is big, I usually try to smile and fake being ok, with the thought I will deal with this a little at a time.
Recently I have discovered that my way will bite me in the butt. A dozen years later and I am still too broken to feel up to facing the heartbreak. I have moments where I want to rage, yell, throw things, curse, anything to get the pain out. But that's not me. So I cry and try to stuff it back in its box.
Someone else is in a very similar situation and the parallels are spot on. They want to talk and I want to flee. I'm not sure if I can escape the pain anymore. And I don't feel like I can carry the exposed pain either. I guess I need a bigger storage box 
Have a great day!!
xoxox
Pony
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28 comments
Grief can't be pigeon-holed despite the experts' 5 stages. Everyone is different and each loss is different. I grieved differently when I lost my husband vs losing my parents and differently again over a broken romance.
21 years later and I still can shed tears over the loss of my husband.
We expect our parents to go first. It hurts but we hopefully had many years to accept the reality. Losing a spouse is different. I would still be crying too. Hugs!!
I'm not so sure I have a conscious strategy in dealing with grief. I just go with the flow of feelings.
Hallo 👋 handsome how are you doing??
@Greene814 I'm good.
Lol 🤣🤣 perfect
Hallo 👋
When I was younger, my approach was to ignore such pain and move on. I thought I was being stoic but the feelings were bottled up until it reached a breaking point for me.
I try not to do that anymore but sometimes it’s too easy to fall into old habits.
Coming here to aff was one of my “remedies”. I could put on a happy front (literally) and avoid messy feelings.
But things happen and i decided to let my emotions out and that too was a big mistake.
Now, I try to breathe, focus on something positive and most importantly cry or yell if I need to vent for a moment.
I don’t have an easy answer for you, Pony but if you ever want to vent, I’m all ears and no judgment.
You understand me. I am at that breaking point. The last straw is on my back. I may try to go out of town for a few days to vent and move forward. Hugs!!
You are me....I first came here looking for simply a friend. Then as life moved on and i experienced sooooo many losses, i used the site as a distraction and thennnnnn found the blogs as a venting outlet. In fact , here is still my distraction n venting venue. We are all here for many diff reasons~
@PonyGirl1965 good luck and I hope you find that release. Hugs!
For the most part, I cry for about 3 days, then move on.
That's a great question. I remember after my dad died, I hardly felt capable of carrying on the even most banal conversation. Like, it felt dishonest to say "fine" after someone asked "how are you?"; because I was NOT fine. It was exacerbated because I went on a bicycling weekend that I had already signed up and paid for - NOT a good idea.
I don't particularly like talking to process it - I'm a fan of holing up alone and crying for as long as I need to.
Maybe that's my problem, I never got to hole up, be alone, cry or process. I had 4 kids and had to keep functioning and taking care of them. Maybe I need a weekend away to vent.
Hugs!!
I probably fall somewhere in the middle on handling my grief. I face it head on as it happens but probably neglect fully processing it due to the time and attention that it takes versus the other things that fill up my life.
Daily life keeps me busy enough that I don't think I ever handle the long term grief. I need to improve myself. Hugs!!
I hide it well, then deal with it in private.
@EnigmaInitiative HEY look who's back! I'm doing OK, super busy and not spending much time here of late. Good to see you and hope you're doing well.
Every situation is different for me.
We are Gen X, and were raised to hide our feelings. We were told to suck it up. But for me, menopause has caused me to burst into tears at any given moment. We also had a LOT of trauma last fall when Hubby was in the hospital. Yesterday, I cried TWICE before noon, at work. Great.
Oh wow you nailed it. We were always told to suck it up.
I'm not sure if I am menopausal - no hot flashes - but I can cry at anything in a heartbeat. Hugs!!
I cried tonight at the baseball game. Kid was tagged out. They put their glove with the ball in his face and he fell down. He wasn't hurt physically but as a 6-7 yr old he was mentally wounded. He trotted back across the field and you could see him starting to cry. One of our coaches met him at the dugout, slid his helmet off and wrapped his arms around him. Crud I am crying again. Anyway lil dude leaned in and cried then wiped his tears and went to sit down. I am so thankful our coaches accept the kids tears. The boys are very young and need support. Not told to suck it up.
Im a Boomer and a person of color....everyday life was/is event filled and cry worthy. Yet..yes....raised to adjust, adapt , suck it up, and moooove on. Eventually it takes its toll on our psyche ( sigh )
I often wonder if the Gen X, Y's n Z's are faring any better in this social emotional health realm~
Hi Pony Myself I muddle through it as I go on with life and if it a love one or somebody you cared about a lot, in my opinion you always have them in your thoughts and heart.
I believe the adage of.....fake it till you make it. Yup...covering it up...till bits n pieces show up and make you handle it. Healing is never linear. We deal with what we can, when we can. Huggss n Luck to you Pony ~
I am an expert in the fake it until you make it thinking
Hugs!!!